Existential post

Do we (people) create images of how we think things are and of how we think they should be? If an individual’s "should be" world and real world do not coincide then misery inevitably ensues. However, both can be/are totally fictional. This does not mean that external realities (famines, wars) do not exist, but that levels of happiness or unhappiness are directly proportional to the way in which an individual relates to a perceived situation. People react to situations in different ways. The way they react determines the extent to which they can change the situation, should they wish to, or accept it, if they can’t.

Easy to say but difficult to put into practice.

There are some benefits to this idea.

1. It is very empowering in that I am not necessarily the person I thought I was. If a person has an unhealthy perception of him/herself, this idea can bring great relief. If a person’s "positive" notion of self lies in something that is inevitably short-lived (e.g. a job), then it softens the deflating blow after the impermanent situation ends.

The question "who am I?" may initially seem easy to answer (name, age, physical, psychological characteristics, etc.), but it is virtually impossible to find a convincing response. This is both because people change constantly (e.g. I may have dark/long hair now but won’t in a few years so dark/long hairedness is not an essential feature of me), and because characteristics are something we desperately grab on to confirm our identity and therefore avoid unbearable existential nothing-to-hang-on-to-ness.

2. Therefore, I am not wholly the person I believed I was (or you are not the person you believe you are); only partially and temporarily so. This means that to some extent I can choose who I want to be (which is more practical when dealing with emotions than, say, physical appearance/age). It also means, for example, I have the option of choosing not to reacting to a situation in a way that will ultimately prove detrimental and reinforce negative dynamics (there are situations in which individuals get into an anger dynamic. e.g. you say x/ so I say y/ so you get angry/ so I get angry or ........./ which makes me.../ which makes you...). Furtheremore, it is not a "cop out" as it does not mean denial (e.g. of anger) because in order to choose, it’s necessary to be aware. That awareness is more than half the battle.

These are guidelines. It does not mean that I, or anyone else I know, have reached such a high level of self-awareness that I can choose not to feel pain if I break my leg, but it is a starting point to relating to those traditionally niggling things and dynamics that destroy wellbeing (e.g. she didn’t put the top back on the toothpaste) in a way that does not increase denial, but rather enhances awareness.

The implications are astounding.